ADHD and the spoon theory: why energy feels so different for us
One of the themes that comes up time and again in my coaching sessions is energy. Not just the physical kind, but the mental and emotional energy it takes to get through everyday life when you are neurodivergent. For many people with ADHD, energy feels unpredictable, fragile, or easily depleted. Tasks that seem straightforward to others can feel like climbing a mountain, and the way our brains use energy is often very different.
What is the spoon theory?
The spoon theory was originally created by Christine Miserandino to describe what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. She used spoons to represent units of energy. People who are healthy or neurotypical tend not to think about how much energy each task requires, because they have a ready supply of “spoons.”
For people living with chronic illness, neurodivergence, or mental health challenges, the number of spoons is limited. Every task uses up a spoon, and once you’ve run out, there are none left for the rest of the day.
A big part of this is down to executive functioning. Executive functions are the skills our brain uses to organise, prioritise, plan, and follow through on tasks. When these functions are affected, as they are in ADHD, even seemingly simple jobs can consume a huge amount of energy. For example:
Planning and prioritising – deciding what to do first can feel overwhelming, so we may spend hours thinking about starting, which burns energy before we’ve even begun.
Task initiation – getting going on something, even when it’s important, often leads to procrastination, which adds stress and drains more energy.
Working memory – holding onto instructions, remembering what we came into the room for, or keeping track of multiple steps can be exhausting.
Time management – underestimating how long things will take can mean rushing at the last minute, leaving us wiped out.
Emotional regulation – feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or anxious when things don’t go to plan can quickly use up our reserves.
Add to this the unique challenges of ADHD motivation, where interest and urgency drive action more than routine or obligation and energy becomes even harder to predict. Some days we may hyperfocus and use up all our spoons on one project, leaving nothing for the rest of the day. Other days, we may struggle to get started at all, weighed down by overwhelm and decision fatigue.
Perimenopause, hormones, and spoons
For women, energy depletion can become even more complex during perimenopause. Changing hormone levels, particularly oestrogen and progesterone, directly affect the brain and how it manages focus, sleep, mood, and energy. Many of my clients notice that their energy levels feel even harder to maintain during the perimenopause.
Hormonal changes can:
Reduce sleep quality – night sweats, insomnia, or restless nights leave us starting the day with fewer spoons.
Intensify emotional regulation challenges – mood swings and heightened anxiety can use up energy more quickly.
Increase cognitive load – brain fog, forgetfulness, and difficulty concentrating drain spoons before tasks are even underway.
Amplify ADHD traits – executive function struggles, sensory sensitivities, and overwhelm may all worsen, making everyday life even more challenging.
This means that perimenopause doesn’t just affect physical health, it reshapes the way energy is spent and replenished. The spoon theory becomes even more relevant here, offering a way to explain the invisible toll of managing both neurodivergence and hormonal changes.
How it applies to ADHD and perimenopause
For those of us with ADHD or autism, this analogy is often spot on. We may start the day with fewer spoons than others, or find that we burn through them much more quickly. That’s because of:
Executive functioning challenges – planning, prioritising, switching tasks, and decision-making all drain spoons.
Sensory processing – noise, light, crowded spaces, or constant demands can deplete spoons very quickly.
Masking and social effort – managing behaviour, emotions, or expressions to “fit in” takes a huge amount of energy.
Emotional regulation – navigating rejection sensitivity, anxiety, or overwhelm can wipe out several spoons at once.
Transitions and unpredictability – moving between tasks or coping with unexpected changes can feel exhausting.
Hormonal changes – perimenopause can layer additional spoon-drains onto an already demanding picture.
What running out of spoons looks like
When someone with ADHD or autism runs out of spoons, it might not always be visible at first. But it often shows up as:
Becoming suddenly irritable, withdrawn, or “shutting down.”
Struggling with things that may look “small” to others, like making dinner, replying to a message, or even getting ready for bed.
Needing longer recovery time, with rest, quiet, or down time to restore spoons.
Why it helps to think in spoons
What I love about this analogy is that it gives us a simple, visual language to explain something that is otherwise hidden and difficult to put into words.
It helps in setting boundaries: “I don’t have enough spoons left to do that today.”
It validates the reality that ordinary tasks can take extraordinary effort.
It encourages self-compassion and pacing strategies rather than pushing through until burnout.
It allows us to notice our patterns, so we can build support systems that actually work for us.
Building awareness and support
The spoon theory reminds us that our energy is not limitless. When we’re neurodivergent, and especially when we’re navigating perimenopause, we need to pay attention to how spoons are used, where they are drained most quickly, and how we can restore them. By building this awareness, we can design daily routines, support systems, and boundaries that protect our wellbeing.
For many of my clients, simply having this language changes the way they see themselves. It can change our go-to narrative from “I’m lazy” or “I’m stupid” to “I’ve used up my spoons and need to recharge.” And that’s a much kinder, more accurate way of looking at life with ADHD and the perimenopause.