What does support look like when you have ADHD?

One of the most common things I hear from clients is how hard it can be to explain ADHD to others. Whether it’s family members, friends, colleagues, or partners, the reactions people receive can make a world of difference to how they feel about themselves.

For many people, finally receiving a diagnosis, or even beginning to suspect they might have ADHD, can be life-changing. It can feel like the missing piece of the puzzle, the explanation that suddenly makes sense of years of struggle. For the first time, things start to fit together: the patterns of overwhelm, the constant busyness, the forgotten tasks, the intense emotions.

It can bring an enormous sense of relief and self-understanding.

But for some, that relief can also be followed by frustration, sadness, or even grief, not only for the years spent trying so hard without understanding why, but also because of how others respond when they finally share this part of themselves.

How supportive are the people around you? Do they listen with curiosity and compassion, or do they minimise, dismiss, or even deny what you are saying?

Statements like “we all get a bit distracted,” “you just need to try harder,” or “everyone feels like that sometimes” can feel incredibly invalidating, especially when you’ve spent years masking, overcompensating, or feeling ‘different’ without being able to explain why.

That invalidation can be deeply painful because ADHD isn’t new for the person living with it as it’s always been there. What’s new is the understanding. And to finally have that understanding only to be dismissed can feel like another layer of rejection.

I count myself as one of the lucky ones. My husband is incredibly supportive. He reads around the topic, listens to things on the radio, and often comes to me with new ideas or research he’s come across. We have fascinating discussions about ADHD, neurodivergence, and how our minds work differently.

That curiosity and openness mean everything. It creates space for understanding and helps to strengthen our relationship. I also have close family members who have been kind and supportive, and I know not everyone has that experience.

Because even when we have supportive people in our lives, there are still moments when others’ reactions can sting, whether this is a passing comment, a dismissive tone, or a misunderstanding that makes you feel small or misunderstood. Those moments can be difficult to navigate, especially when you’re still working out how to explain what ADHD means for you.

When support is missing, it can feel isolating. It reinforces shame and can make you question yourself all over again.

But when understanding and validation are present, it can be genuinely life-changing. It gives you the confidence to be open about your challenges, to celebrate your strengths, and to seek out environments that allow you to thrive rather than mask.

Validation doesn’t mean someone has to fully understand everything about ADHD. What it means is they’re willing to listen, to learn, and to meet you with empathy and support. That simple shift in attitude can transform relationships at home, at work, and in the wider community.

These are the conversations we need to keep having. Not just within ADHD communities, but in workplaces, schools, and families.
We need to talk more openly about what ADHD looks like across different people, stages of life, and environments. Because it’s not a one-size-fits-all condition.

Everyone’s experience is unique, and the more we can share those stories, the more understanding we can build.

Support doesn’t always mean knowing what to do, but it can just mean that someone is willing to be there.

And for anyone reading this who’s felt dismissed, unseen, or misunderstood, please know that your experience is valid, your feelings are real, and you deserve to be supported and understood.