ADHD and the overwhelm of Christmas

Christmas comes with a lot of expectations.

Social plans, gatherings, noise, lights, conversations, changes to routine, disrupted sleep, and a constant need to think ahead. Food, timings, travel, who is where and when, what needs organising, what you might have forgotten. Alongside all of this, there is often the sense that you should be present, grateful, and enjoying it all.

None of these things are huge on their own, but as the spinning plates start to add up, they can quickly feel overwhelming and unmanageable.

When you’ve got ADHD this time of year often asks far more than people realise. Busy environments, overlapping conversations, background noise, and bright lights all take energy to manage. When routines change and sleep is disrupted, there is very little space for your nervous system to regulate and recover.

Alongside this is the effort of additional social interactions, Christmas parties and gatherings. Making conversation, staying engaged, responding appropriately, being polite and smiling can look effortless from the outside, but it requires constant emotional regulation and hypervigilance. Monitoring what we say, not oversharing, not interrupting, and then the added layer of rumination afterwards, replaying conversations for days and worrying about whether we said the wrong thing or unknowingly offended someone.

It is exhausting, and it is not surprising that so many of us feel relieved when plans are cancelled and we can stay at home in our pjs and watch a film instead.

After a lifetime of masking, worrying about what others think and trying to fit in, many of us are deeply driven not to let our children or the people we love down. So we push on, keep going, and hold it all together, even when it costs us more than we realise. The question is, at what cost, and how much does it actually matter in the long run?

It is very easy to turn it inwards and assume there is something wrong with us, that we are negative, difficult, or not appreciating things properly. Often though, the overwhelm is not about Christmas itself. It is about how much there is to hold, manage, organise, and emotionally contain all at once.

When we start to notice where that overwhelm comes from, and how it shows up for us, it can change how we move through this time of year.

That might mean:

• Being clearer and firmer about boundaries
• Giving ourselves permission to say no to some things
• Seeing asking for help as a strength rather than a weakness, especially when it helps protect our energy and wellbeing
• Reminding ourselves that good enough really is good enough, and that things do not have to be perfect to be okay

So much pressure builds when we feel we need to do everything perfectly or get everything right, and that pressure can easily turn into tension or arguments. Changing the expectations we place on ourselves can often make more difference than pushing ourselves harder.

Christmas does not have to look a particular way to be okay. For those of us with ADHD, understanding what can make it hard, and allowing ourselves to approach it more gently, can be enough.