ADHD and why I don’t drink
I have never been a big drinker, but for a long time alcohol was something I included socially, largely because it felt expected. A glass of wine, a drink at a gathering, joining in rather than opting out. Over time, I began to notice that even small amounts of alcohol affected me more than I was comfortable with, particularly as I moved into perimenopause.
Before social events, I often felt tense rather than excited. I knew that alcohol tended to amplify my ADHD traits. I would talk and overshare more, interrupt without meaning to, and feel more emotionally exposed than I wanted to be. What stood out most, though, was not the night itself, but what followed afterwards.
For days after drinking, I would ruminate. I replayed conversations, questioned how I had come across, and felt unsettled in my thoughts and body. There was a lingering sense of emotional fragility that could last far longer than the social event itself and alongside this came disrupted sleep, low energy, and a nervous system that struggled to fully settle for days. Recovery felt slow and disproportionate to what had been a relatively small amount of alcohol.
Over time, I began to notice that alcohol was taking far more from me than it was giving.
Sleep has always been important for me, but living with ADHD has made me acutely aware of just how essential good quality sleep is. Sleep supports attention, emotional regulation, memory, and resilience. When sleep is disrupted, everything feels harder. Alcohol may initially make us feel sleepy, but it disrupts our quality of sleep, reducing slow wave sleep and REM sleep, leading to poorer quality and less restorative rest overall (Walker, 2017; NHS, 2023).
For people with ADHD, where sleep difficulties are already common, this disruption can have a significant knock on effect. Poor sleep is associated with increased emotional reactivity, difficulties with attention and concentration, and greater vulnerability to rumination and anxiety (Bijlenga et al., 2019; Becker et al., 2019). When this happens repeatedly, even over a few nights, the cumulative impact can be exhausting.
As I moved through perimenopause, this became more noticeable. Hormonal changes can already make sleep more fragile, and alcohol intensified this further. There is evidence that alcohol can worsen perimenopausal symptoms such as sleep disturbance, anxiety, low mood, and night sweats (British Menopause Society, 2022). At the same time, many women experience a worsening of ADHD symptoms during perimenopause, as fluctuating oestrogen levels affect neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin, which are closely linked to attention and emotional regulation (Newson, 2021; Quinn, 2021).
When ADHD, hormonal change, and alcohol come together, our nervous systems can often pay the price.
Eventually, I reached a point where I asked myself a simple question. Was it worth feeling dysregulated, exhausted, and emotionally unsettled for days afterwards, simply to fit in for a few hours?
For me, the answer was no.
Choosing not to drink has brought some unexpected benefits. My sleep is more consistent, my emotional regulation feels steadier, and the rumination that used to follow social situations has reduced significantly as I no longer spend days afterwards feeling anxious and exhausted.
Not drinking can still feel socially uncomfortable at times. There can be pressure to explain yourself, or a sense that choosing not to drink is unusual. But I am no longer willing to prioritise other people’s comfort over my own wellbeing. This choice is about quality of life, not about doing what I think I should be doing.
This is not about judgement, rules, or telling anyone else what they should do. It is about noticing what something costs you, particularly over the days that follow, and deciding whether that price feels worth paying.
For me, choosing not to drink has been an act of self understanding and care, rooted in protecting my wellbeing.
References
Becker, S.P., Langberg, J.M., Evans, S.W. and Vaughn, A.J. (2019) ‘Sleep problems and sluggish cognitive tempo in adolescents with ADHD’, Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 48(1), pp. 77–90.
Bijlenga, D., Vollebregt, M.A., Kooij, J.J.S. and Arns, M. (2019) ‘The role of sleep in adult ADHD: A review of the literature’, Current Psychiatry Reports, 21(9), pp. 1–10.
British Menopause Society (2022) Alcohol and the menopause. Available at: https://thebms.org.uk (Accessed: date).
NHS (2023) Alcohol and sleep. Available at: https://www.nhs.uk (Accessed: date).
Newson, L. (2021) Perimenopause and menopause: Understanding the change. London: Penguin Life.
Quinn, P.O. (2021) ‘ADHD in women across the lifespan’, Journal of Clinical Psychology, 77(2), pp. 1–12.
Walker, M. (2017) Why we sleep: The new science of sleep and dreams. London: Penguin.