Why we can still question and doubt our ADHD diagnosis
An ADHD diagnosis rarely comes out of the blue. It usually follows years of reading, researching, listening to podcasts, joining online communities, and trying to piece things together. By the time we finally reach the front of the queue to get an assessment, it is rarely an overnight decision and is often the result of years of persistence, research and self-exploration.
And yet, when the diagnosis comes, many of us still find ourselves thinking:
“What if I’ve got this wrong?”
“Maybe I’m not really ADHD after all.”
Doubting or questioning a diagnosis happens more often than you’d think.
Why does this happen?
Old narratives run deep. Many of us grew up being labelled as anxious, depressed, lazy, or disorganised. Others were praised for being “high achievers,” despite the toll it took behind the scenes. When a clinician finally says “this is ADHD,” it can feel at odds with the stories we have been told about ourselves for decades.
Masking hides the struggle. Women in particular often become experts at masking, making it seem as though everything is fine on the surface. Behind the mask, there may be exhaustion, shame, or burnout. Because masking is so ingrained, it can feel like our difficulties are “not bad enough” to count as ADHD.
Stereotypes fuel self-doubt. For years, ADHD was portrayed as something that affected only loud, disruptive boys. If our experience does not match that stereotype, we can feel like imposters. Even with a diagnosis, those outdated ideas can leave us questioning whether our version of ADHD is “valid.”
Self-identification feels uncertain. Many people join the dots long before diagnosis. They may worry they have somehow “talked themselves into it,” rather than trusting the reality of their lived experience.
Perfectionism and RSD play a part. ADHD brains are often wired for self-criticism and our natural negative bias towards ourselves. Even with a formal diagnosis, thoughts such as “Maybe I exaggerated” or “I don’t deserve support” can creep in.
There is no blood test. Unlike conditions that can be confirmed on a scan, ADHD is diagnosed through behaviours, history, and patterns. We often doubt our memories and that lack of something “concrete” can lead to doubt, even though the impact is very real.
The perimenopause can add another difficult layer when we get a late diagnosis of ADHD. Hormonal changes often intensify ADHD traits and our natural negative self talk and imposter syndrome can worsen and invalidate ourselves or what others have told us.
A formal diagnosis is a huge step forward, but it doesn’t erase the years of invalidation and misunderstanding that came before. Our heads may understand it quite quickly, but our hearts often take longer to believe it.
The work after diagnosis is about:
Trusting what you have been told
Allowing yourself to believe your experiences are valid
Embracing the diagnosis as part of who you are
You may have had years of being made to feel as though you were “getting things wrong,” and a diagnosis can mark the beginning of finally getting things right, and learning to own your ADHD and move forward with compassion, understanding, and self-trust.
You haven’t imagined this and you haven’t got it wrong.
Your story is real, and it matters.