Why self-diagnosing ADHD isn’t ‘jumping on a trend’.
“It’s just a fad.”
“Everyone’s got ADHD these days.”
“If it’s not diagnosed by a professional, it doesn’t count.”
These are the sorts of comments that are often thrown around on social media when people talk about realising they might have ADHD, especially women.
But the truth is far more nuanced.
Self-diagnosis isn’t a trend. For many, it’s the first step towards finally understanding themselves, and for some, it might be the only step they can take for now.
So, why do so many people self-diagnose?
1. The wait for formal diagnosis is incredibly long
In the UK, waiting lists for NHS ADHD assessments can stretch over two years. Some areas no longer accept referrals for adult assessments at all. For those who can’t afford private assessments, the process feels impossible.
Many women already feel they’ve spent their lives being dismissed by professionals. The idea of waiting years, only to potentially be told their difficulties are down to anxiety or menopause, can be disheartening and even retraumatising.
2. Cost is a huge barrier
A private adult ADHD assessment in the UK typically costs £800–£1,200 or more. That’s simply out of reach for many people—especially those already struggling to stay in work, manage burnout, or support neurodivergent children.
3. They’ve recognised the traits through their children
This is incredibly common. A child begins the ADHD assessment process and a parent, often the mother, starts recognising the same patterns in herself. Not just the traits, but the struggles that were never picked up in childhood. This prompts a deep dive into research, self-reflection, and connection with others’ stories.
It’s not about diagnosis by social media. It’s about seeing yourself clearly, maybe for the first time.
4. They’ve done their research
The women I speak to aren’t making snap decisions. They’ve read books, listened to podcasts, followed ADHD professionals and read academic papers and articles. They’ve pored over the diagnostic criteria and explored how ADHD shows up in women and girls, which is often so different to the outdated stereotypes.
This is not a bandwagon. It’s often the result of months or years of soul-searching, connecting the dots, and looking back and reflecting over a lifetime of missed signs.
5. They don’t want or need medication
Some people choose not to pursue a formal diagnosis because they’re not looking for medication or workplace adjustments. What they want is understanding, strategies, community, validation. And those things don’t always require a diagnosis from a clinician.
That doesn’t mean a formal diagnosis isn’t important, as it can be life-changing and opens doors to support. But it’s important to recognise that this is not the only way people can begin to heal.
Why is self-diagnosis legitimate?
Because it’s based on lived experience. Because it’s often rooted in years of struggle, shame, and masking. Because it reflects the reality of being consistently overlooked, particularly if you’re a woman or marginalised in other ways.
We don’t dismiss someone’s pain because they haven’t had it rubber-stamped by a clinician. The same should go for neurodivergence.
Self-diagnosis isn’t about playing doctor, it’s about reclaiming understanding and finally putting the pieces together.
What happens when we invalidate self-diagnosis?
We risk pushing people further into isolation. We reinforce shame. We discourage people from accessing support, building community, and taking steps to improve their lives.
And we ignore the structural barriers—gender bias, financial inequality, broken systems—that lead people to self-identify in the first place.
A final thought
If you’ve recognised yourself in ADHD traits, you are not alone, and your experience is real, even if it hasn’t been written in a clinical report.
Whether you’re just starting to explore this or you’ve been living with this insight for years, your self-awareness is valid.
You deserve compassion, not criticism.