When summer isn't a break: The challenges of school holidays for neurodivergent families

The summer holidays can look very different for neurodivergent families. While others may be talking about lazy beach days, relaxed mornings, or exciting trips, many of us are just trying to keep everything together.

There is so much pressure from society, especially on social media, to be doing all the time. We are bombarded with images of perfect family outings, packed schedules, and endless smiles. It can feel like we are failing if we are not creating those kinds of memories. But the reality for many neurodivergent children and parents is that summer is not about performance or productivity. It is a time to rest, reset, and recover from the constant demands of term time. And that is not only OK, it’s essential.

If you have ADHD, and you are raising children who are also neurodivergent, the school holidays can feel anything but restful. Of course, there are moments of joy and connection, but the lack of routine, increased demands, and constant pressure can stretch already overloaded systems.

Here are some of the common challenges that can show up:

The loss of routine
Many neurodivergent people function best when there is structure. School provides a rhythm to the week, and when that disappears, the days can blur together. Time blindness can increase, sleep patterns often shift, and creating a new routine from scratch takes executive energy that may already be in short supply.

Sensory overload
Hot weather, noisy days out, crowded parks, and busy households can all contribute to sensory overwhelm. Some children may seek constant movement and stimulation, while others withdraw. Parents are not immune to this either, and when everyone is dysregulated, conflict and exhaustion tend to follow.

Emotional dysregulation
The emotional temperature in the house often rises during the holidays. Boredom, frustration, overstimulation, or unmet needs can all lead to emotional outbursts or shutdowns, in children and adults. It can feel like you are walking on eggshells, or always trying to calm the next storm.

Executive function demands
Planning activities, managing meals, booking childcare, staying on top of emails and appointments, and remembering what needs to happen each day are all tasks that rely on executive function. During the school term, these are already hard enough. In the holidays, they can become overwhelming. Some parents feel like they are spinning plates, constantly reacting instead of being proactive.

Travel stress
While holidays away can sound appealing, the reality of travelling through busy airports, train stations, and service areas can be a sensory and logistical nightmare. The crowds, queues, noise, and unpredictability of transport delays can overwhelm both children and adults. For neurodivergent families, travel days can lead to dysregulation before the holiday has even started.

Financial strain
The cost of living crisis has added another layer of difficulty. Trips, outings, childcare, extra snacks, and increased use of electricity or fuel can all add up. This pressure can lead to increased anxiety and guilt, especially when others seem to be posting picture-perfect days out online.

Feeling isolated
Many parents rely on schools not just for education, but as a source of support and respite. During the holidays, that support vanishes. Friends may be away, support networks may be on pause, and those moments of connection can feel few and far between. For some families, outings are avoided altogether due to fear of judgement or lack of accessibility.

Guilt and identity struggles
There is often a strong internal voice that tells us we should be making magical memories. But if you are burnt out, neurodivergent, or juggling multiple needs, the idea of fun can sometimes feel out of reach. You are not lazy. You are not failing. You are navigating something really hard, often without enough support.

Different needs within the household
Even within a neurodivergent family, needs can be different. One child might need constant movement and novelty, while another needs quiet and predictability. A parent with ADHD might crave stimulation, while their autistic child might find it overwhelming. These differences can lead to friction and misattunement, even when everyone is doing their best.

Some things that might help

There is no single solution, but here are a few gentle ideas that may make things feel more manageable:

• Create a loose structure
  A simple visual calendar, daily anchor points like lunch or a short walk, or a morning checklist can offer a sense of rhythm without becoming rigid.

• Build in quiet time
  Everyone needs breaks, including you. Schedule pockets of quiet time each day where screens, books, puzzles, or sensory toys can offer a moment of calm.
  

• Prep a boredom box
  Fill a box or drawer with simple activities or items your children can use when they are at a loose end — stickers, fidget toys, drawing materials, or small games.
  

• Use co-regulation
  When things start to spiral, pause and breathe together. Naming the feeling, such as “this is a tough moment,” and staying close can help reduce escalation.
  

• Keep expectations realistic
  One activity a day is enough. Some days will be full of screens or snacks. That does not mean you are doing it wrong.
  

• Reframe screen time
  Many neurodivergent children use screens to regulate. Whether it is watching the same show repeatedly, gaming, or engaging in a special interest through videos or apps, these activities can offer comfort, predictability, and downtime. Screen time is not the enemy. Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. If screens give you or your child space to rest or reset, that is completely OK.
  

• Connect with others who get it
  If possible, check in with friends or online spaces where you can be honest about how things really feel. Being seen and understood can make a huge difference.
  

• Give yourself permission to rest
  You do not need to fill every moment with productivity. Rest is not a reward. It is essential, especially when you are parenting on empty.
  

You are not on your own
School holidays can feel like a lot, especially when you are living with ADHD and/or autism. You are carrying far more than others realise, and I know you are doing your very best with what you’ve got.

Try to be gentle with yourself. Let go of the idea that things have to be perfect.
Being kind and compassionate to yourself is not a luxury, it’s essential, as it supports not just your children, but you too.

Know that the care, love and effort that you put in everyday is enough and means more than you realise.